Careless
by Tombomono
Summary: Aurora Sinistra put her hand on the headmaster's arm as they were about to leave the Great Hall. "Look, I don't know what game you're playing, but – Severus, I thought I'd warn you. You're getting careless." Snape took a step forward, wand in hand, eyes narrowed. "Explain." But their conversation explained more than he'd bargained for. Now he'd have to make a choice.
She put a hand on his arm as they both left the Great Hall after the evening meal, stopping him in mid-stride.

"Headmaster, a word?"

"I am a busy man, Sinistra."

"And I'm a busy woman. I need to talk to you. One Slytherin to another." She glanced up at him. "In my office, in fifteen minutes?"

He gave her an appraising look through narrowed eyes, then nodded before striding off in a swirl of black robes.

Fifteen minutes later, he knocked at the door of her office, and immediately heard her voice. "Come in."

Snape stepped inside, firmly closed the door, and then leaned back against the doorjamb. "So?"

Sinistra had risen from behind her desk when he entered, but now she sat down again. Giving him a calculating look, she paused for a moment, measuring her words. "For the last few weeks, I've been watching you. It has been … interesting. Before I go on, let me point out that I'm taking a risk here. If I am wrong… ." She hesitated, then made up her mind. "But I trust that we've known each other long enough. Look, I don't know what game you're playing, but – Severus, I thought I'd warn you. You're getting careless. And we need you."

Snape had taken a step forward, wand in hand, eyes narrowed. "Explain."

She raised her hands. "Look here, you don't need to feel threatened. I'm on your side. Even if I am not entirely sure what side that is."

His hand lowered slightly, but Hogwart's headmaster still kept a tight grip on his wand. "I don't know what you are talking about."

Sinistra sighed. "Don't you, now? Unlike the rest of the staff, who are either imbeciles or inclined to just presuppose you are evil incarnate, I actually have eyes in my head." With a gesture of irritation, she pulled her wand out of the sleeve of her robe and held it out to him. "Here, take it for now. For peace of mind. And so you'll finally sit down and listen."

Snape pocketed her wand and cautiously sat down in the chair across from her desk. "I am listening. I'd love to hear the reasoning behind your extraordinarily out-of-place remarks just now. You have," he pulled a watch out of his pocket, "five minutes."

Aurora Sinistra's lips thinned slightly. "Fine then. Let me list a few of my observations. For one thing, you keep expelling the students most at risk under a Death Eater regime. For what seem to me fairly frivolous reasons. Just when the Carrows are hitting their stride for a nice student torture feast, you suddenly have any number of important jobs for them to handle. When a situation gets heated, I'll see a portrait dashing off, and a few moments later you will arrive and put out the fire. My conclusion, after numerous similar incidences, is that for someone who's supposed to be He-Who-Cannot-Be-Named's right hand man, you sure don't seem particularly intent on Darkness."

Snape stood up abrupt. "You are questioning my loyalty?"

Sinistra sighed. "That's probably the only thing I am NOT questioning at this point. You and I, Severus – we grew up here, and we've lived here most of our adult lives. We go back a long ways. This castle is the closest we ever got to actually having a home. It's _ours_. Hogwarts is where our loyalties lie, isn't it? I can't stand what Vold…  that one is trying to do to it. And it seems you can't either. It certainly looks to me like you are trying the very best you can to minimize the damage to the students without anyone noticing."

Snape ran a hand over his eyes as he sat back down. "At which I apparently failed miserably."

With a sigh of relief, Sinistra sagged slightly. "So I am right."

He looked back up. "Apparently it's obvious?"

Sinistra shook her head. "No. You've been very careful. I don't think anyone suspects. They all see what they want to see."

Tiredly, Snape's eyes met hers. "And you don't?"

She smiled. "I do as well. But I have never been overly fond of either of your two masters, present or past. I have, on the other hand, always been rather fond of _you. "_

He snorted. "Right."

The lines around her eyes crinkled as she leaned forward across the desk. "I knew your affections were … otherwise engaged when we were in school, and I was only a lowly fourth year when you left. But I did have a rather serious crush on you." She laughed at his wary expression. "Don't worry, that's long over and done. But currently, my options for conversation partners are either the insane Carrows or Dumbledore's remaining stalwarts, who now won't give me the time of day because I am a Slytherin."

"They have reason to distrust us. A Slytherin student attempted to kill Dumbledore, and a Slytherin professor finished the job."

"About that." Sinistra started ticking off the points of her argument on her fingers. "I've given this some thought. After all, it happened on my tower. Firstly – Dumbledore was the only one who died. And apparently you walked in on a situation where you were outnumbered and others were ready to do the job much less mercifully. After that, you hurried everyone out of here as quickly as possible. Not a single other student or staff member died. Secondly – that includes Flitwick, who now hates you with a passion and doesn't seem to remember that you could just have easily killed as incapacitated him. Thirdly, you had the chance to hand the Dark Lord Harry Potter on a silver platter – the boy was practically begging you to fight him! – and you didn't. See, Severus, when it comes to your actions, somehow two and two seem to add up to five every time."

He gave a short, painful laugh. "I suppose there is a reason you don't teach Arithmancy."

"All that to say - I'd like to offer my help, if you want it. If you'd like an ally. I'll do my best to help you protect the school." She inhaled deeply. "But one more obvious display of favoritism, and you might find yourself being asked too many questions from too many people, and it may be too late to keep up your facade. I can only imagine the tightrope you're walking. And you've been doing it remarkably well. Until last week."

"What _about_ last week?"

"Seriously, Severus – detention with Hagrid? That might have worked as punishment for Draco, but not for that lot. For Ginny, Neville, and Luna, giving them that sort of "punishment" is the equivalent of 'well done, have a biscuit!' Enough people around here know their history to realize that coming from an intelligent, powerful wizard, this course of action was a little bit … strange, to say the least. Currently the Forbidden Forest is probably safer for them than the castle, and they get to spend time with Hagrid, their friend. They were in no hurry to conceal their delight. I can't imagine why it hasn't aroused more suspicion."

Snape could imagine quite well. As Aurora had said earlier, people were seeing what they wanted to see. And what they wanted to see was a Death Eater in action, and what they had wanted to _feel_ was elation that a Death Eater should be so dense as to not understand the students at all. To feel as if the students for once had got the better of him.

He sighed. But she was right. Anyone breaking out of their prejudices for even a half second should be able to smell something fishy. He would need to be more careful in the future. He just hadn't been able to bring himself to let the Carrows hurt them even more. Their families had already suffered so much. And those students were _his._

There was kindness on Sinistra's face as she watched him. "I know it must be hard, watching the Carrows carry on. But you need to be careful. If the Dark Lord finds out what you've been doing… If anything happens to you, who will He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named put in power next?" She slid her hand across the desk, reaching for him, an invitation. "We need you. And, Severus, if you ever find yourself in need of some tea and sympathy, just come up to my quarters, and the door will be always open to you. Everyone needs at least one person they can confide in. I'd be honored if you'd choose me."

Wearily, he looked down at her hand, and felt an icy catch in his throat. This offer. The idea of an ally, someone to talk to…

Before he had made a conscious decision, he found that he had reached across the desk as well, letting her take his hand, feeling the warmth of her fingers closing around his. He closed his eyes briefly, allowing himself that moment.

"Thank you for that," he said softly.

Then, with one sudden, tight grimace of pain, his wand hand slashed out as he stood up. " _Obliviate."_ Within seconds, the Astronomy mistress was standing there, looking befuddled and questioning. He handed her her wand as he decisively turned to walk out the door. "And don't be so careless as to leave that lying around again."

His chest felt tight and aching as he walked down the stairs. If Voldemort came to the castle – he could not afford for him to look into Sinistra's mind. The witch had been too clever. She had figured out too much.

His secret was safe now. Sinistra would not remember their conversation, nor the train of thought that had led to it.

But he would.

And in those moments when the world seemed to crumble under his feet and he didn't think he could carry on, there would now be one more memory to keep him going.

Memories would be all he'd ever have.

They would have to be enough.

* * *

Thanks so much for reading, and I'd love it if you left a review!


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